Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.
-J.K. Rowling

it's always hard to give in when you believe you're right. we always want to be right don't we? and when you feel like it's an equal fault among both, it's always hard to accept. hard to think that things can easily be compromised and get better. i guess i'll always have that mentality of forgiving but not forgetting. sad isn't it? people always preach to just forgive and forget. but it's way easier said than done. and even if you do want to forget, how can you? there's always something or someone to remind you of whatever happened. can someone honestly tell me how to forget something? it just makes things hard sometimes. whenever you feel like you're moving 1 step forward, all of the sudden it feels like you just took one huge leap back. make sense? i dunno..i'm rambling.

and i've come to realize how much i really dislike someone. i didn't know how much i did until recently. i've always thought that i could be the better person and just be ehhhh about it and forget. but i can't. i know it would make things easier for everyone too if i could. but i really can't get over how much this person pisses me off everytime i think about what they did. i think of it as total disrespect. and what's funny is that they'd probably be so oblivious to it if i ever saw them again. ha, but just wait. if i'm ever drunk enough, the way i feel about you will all come out. at this point though, i don't think i can even stand being in the same room. bahhh i'm already getting irritated just thinking about her. stupid people sometimes. c'mon and think. did you really have to do that?..blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

enough.
just breathe.
sometimes,
they can just be
stupid.

and i feel a little better=)

He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.
-Chinese Proverb

i am glad and relieved to say..IT'S OVER! wooooohooooo, hiphiphooray, yay, yeeha..well over for at least 3 months until i get my test scores in july=(..oh well..what's done is done..dude after walking out of the last exam, it just felt like a weight was being lifted off of our shoulders. and although the test kicked our butts..we were all just really glad it's over..hehe and hoping and praying that we don't have to go back to the freaking fairplex again in october..we'll see..the test was freaking hard though..disappointing to think that all those hours put in to studying may have been in vain if i didn't at least pass the 8 hour..boo..

*relax* must not think about that right now..but i am soooooooooo truly grateful for gail for buying us the extra calculators..y'see..we were so tired friday night while we were switching books in/out for saturday's test..and i kept reminding myself..don't forget to put the calculator in my bag..repeating it over and over in my head..and guess what? while unloading my books at my exam table i start to freak..where's my calculator? and gail's sitting next to me trying to help me remember..and of course..i do..it was still in my freaking backpack!!!=(. and i am soooo lucky that gail suggested we get a back up calculator, b/c i had the one she bought me in my crate still from the friday test!!..geeeeeeeez that would've been so bad if i didn't have that!!!! she saved my arse..thanx chica..

then i was able to unwind a bit at mai tai with the buddies=P..yay. too bad i was still a little out of it cuz of the lack of sleep/brain deprivation..haha..but i had fun and got to catch up with everyone..heehee and be witness to why we should never call tommy on a bluff!=) and the rest of the weekend was allllllll lazy time!..haha more like me & boyfriend eating and eating and eating..and starting to get addicted to 24. 2 days of doing nothing and we're almost done with the first season..what an accomplishment..heheh..but good show anyways!..

so now i'm done..what to do..have to clean the apartment b/c i caused such a mess with all my books everywhere..need to clean my room b/c i have junk lying around everywhere..and yay i get to start learning more recipes to cook..any suggestions?=P..so tired right now..still have a post lunch food coma..just want to take a nap so bad..and it's only tuesday..grreat.

Human potential, though not always apparent, is there waiting to be discovered and invited forth.
-William W. Purkey

i don't like when people try to force their opinions onto you. more like, if you're doing something that you feel satisfied with and here comes along someone frowning upon how you approach things and starts preaching their version of how they thought you should have been doing things. i mean hel-looo, that's not a way to motivate someone if that's what you're trying to do.

let's take for example my moving out. yes i know i said one of the things i wanted to do when i moved out was to cook..i like to cook and i especially love to bake..desserts=P..but living at home i never had much time to do that or the space since i'd get home late from work and my mom would already have dinner done..so yay i finally got to move out and do my own thing. so i started to dabble in some recipes i learned from foodnetwork of course! a-la rachael ray and company.

and i was content. then i started to get real busy a few weeks after moving in b/c of all the christmas stuff going on, attempting to start another marathon training schedule..but that just didn't fit in anymore.. and then from january til now, studying for this exam..which will finally be over next weekend!..so you could say that i got kind of busy right? and i'm not using that as an excuse to say i never want to cook/bake again..it's not. all i'm saying is that i just don't have time for it until my test is over. is that wrong? am i not allowed to want to put this test as a priority for me right now? i already have plans on finding a place i can take cooking lessons at, what new things i want to make, what stuff i have to buy...BUT after my test. so i don't really appreciate getting lectured on how i'm not putting my all into my dreams of being a good cook. it's just on hiatus. i dunno..i guess it's all a difference in opinion.

here i was thinking i was doing just fine with everything..yeah stressing here and there for this test. but thinking about all the stuff that i can do after it's over got me going to try and do my best. but apparently to some it's just not good enough. which up to now i still don't get. but whatevers. everyone's always got something to say right? so yah, you could say that got me kinda..well really irritated when the subject came up. but oh well..time to get over it..b/c i don't need to be thinking about that while my test is already next week..yes my test..yes a priority for me. ahh i feel a bit better now.

We do not know the true value of our moments until they have undergone the test of memory.
-Georges Duhamel

ahhh..good weekend..i never realized how much i could miss the snow and snowboarding down the powdery fluff of marshmallow! it felt good doing my little s-turns on an open run..realizing the adrenaline rush pumping through you on that flat straightaway trying to maintain a safe speed without catching an edge and falling helicopter style..hehe unfortunately that was me..i was so proud of my carving i caught an edge when it got all icey..all i could do was scream owwwwwwwww as my knees twisted w/ my board and i just lay flat..haha taking in all the humor in it...dude did that do a number on my poor already damaged knees..please forgive me knees..hehe...

and so i realized this weekend..i think growing up in a little suburbia neighborhood failed to teach me a few things..like never fall for the "let's play the knock knock joke game, you start!" or "..a guy's SIXTH toe".."what's the sixth toe?"..geeeeeeez i'm so slow sometimes..really, i wish i was able to catch onto some of these things sooner..haha sometimes i'll hear something, laugh and then a couple minutes later i have to tell the person next to me..umm i don't get it..wherein they get a little chuckle out of that and have to explain it to me..ehhhhhh...i must learn to be more knowledgeable in the world of jokes/pervertedness/sarcasm/etc..hahah

anyways..good weekend..although my chin is a bit chafed from my jacket..*note to self* although it may look sunny outside, never doubt that it can get suuuuuper windy going up the lifts..so NEVER EVER forget your turtle fleece!!!..and do not forget the sunblock on your nose!!..so sad most of your face is covered except for you nose & mouth..and it's gross when they start to peel like crazy..yeeeeck..

after mammoth, me & lou spent some time with my family for some bday/baby/anniversary celebrations..although we seemed sooo out of it the whole time cuz we were tired from the boarding..and we were totally late..haha..sorry guys!

as for my progress on studying..2.5 more weeks..yes i did study in mammoth..well basically most of friday..thanx tommy for trying to keep my nose in the books!!..even though i so wanted to keep in your guys' coversations..hahah...i can't wait til this test is over..and i will not stop writing that down until it really is over=P

so thanks to everyone for keeping me sane this weekend and sharing the laughs/the falls/the yummmmmy food/the stories..til next time.