If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain.
-Maya Angelou

i think that's been me lately. always complaining about work blah blah yadda yadda. i know fifi must be tired of it all. so i'm trying to change it up a bit. if it'll work, who knows. at least i tried right? otherwise i'll be stuck in a rut for i don't know how long. it's one of those things where you just dread coming in to work. like really..where you just want to call in sick or use your vacation time so that you don't have to deal with it all anymore. is it burnout? i dunno. i read some article about it last week and i agreed with a lot of the causes/effects. i know i need a change. we'll see how it goes.

a few weeks ago a bunch of us ce's had like a mini reunion for happy hour. so we all got the typical how are you/how's work? intro when we started our conversations. you know what the consensus was with the how's work? that we all must've chosen the wrong major because we either want out of our job or we've already moved on to non-engineering prospects. ha, it was like an epiphany..no wonder our class was so close..none of us were meant to be engineers! yeah we passed our classes, had our study groups together, drank at the pub on numerous occassions. but i wonder if any of us really enjoy what we're doing or we're just bored? while i was getting a recommendation to read "who stole my cheese" to help me get out of this yuck feeling about work, i started laughing because obviously reading "the quarter-life crisis" didn't help me out. ha.

i guess we all go through this at some point in our life? i have no idea what'll happen over the next few years. i just hope the decisions i'm making will of course be for the better. i really don't like the burnout feeling. it just makes things so unbearable sometimes.

anyways..i told louieboy that i'm done lifting weights to strengthen my back. ahhhh i so didn't think that it would give me muscles in my back! man, i feel like my back got a little wider..boo no bueno!

thanks everyone for all the kind words/condolences about my lolo passing away. it's weird i guess. this whole coping with death thing. i mean i understand it all, but for some reason i just get in denial that he passed away. and when i think how i just saw him for his birthday before he passed away i get all sad. even yesterday, i've been re-watching friends on the train ride going home right? of course the episode is "the one where nana dies...twice." there's this one part w/ the sweet 'n low and ross...and i just start getting all teary eyed and start crying. i guess it's a normal cycle of dealing with this all. i'm just not used to it. but it's okay, i really should stop this crying. i know lolo's not in pain anymore and he's with lola and nanay and tatay (what we call my my mom's parents) and their all watching over us and smiling=).

phew that's a lot.

Life's race well run,
Life's work well done,
Life's victory won,
Now cometh rest.
-Edward Hazen Parker

We love you lolo..i'm going to miss your laugh and your crazy strong hand grip. I know you and lola are smiling down and watching over us always. Rest in peace now.








Lolo Pascual...May 13th, 1911 - May 17th, 2007.

A university professor set an examination question in which he asked what is the difference between ignorance and apathy. The professor had to give an A+ to a student who answered: I don't know and I don't care.
-Richard Pratt

ha. i like that one. too bad that never happened to me in school. i remember when we were applying for college we heard this story about some kid's college entrance essay. he/she was applying to one of the ivy league schools (forgot which one) and all they wrote for their essay was something like : This is my college entrance essay. And that was it. Supposedly they got into the college because the school found it gutsy and unique. Hmmm to this day I still don't know whether or not that was for real, but if so..lucky sumumabeetch. haha.

been pretty hectic these past 2 weeks. my lolo's been pretty sick since last last sunday so we were all really jumpy those first few days. bad word to use i know..hmmm, scared?sad?anxious?nervous? i dunno, i've never really been good at handling things like this. i'm always in denial when it comes to this kind of stuff. i like to think that all my elders will live in my life forever. selfish i guess huh?

my lolo is my last surviving grandparent. and he's pretty much the one we got the closest too and who watched over us while we were kids. then he moved to corona to help out my aunt when we got a little older. and with a lot of family ish that's happened over the past few years it's been really hard to see him frequently. and then when we found out he got really sick we were all there, well most of us at least. i could barely stand to see him in the hospital. it's really weird for me to see him like that. i still always picture him with his black plastic rimmed glasses and his slow but steady gait with his happy smile.

we visited him for about 4 days straight and then i had to go back to work. this past weekend i heard he's been doing better, finally conscious and speaking to my dad and his brothers/sisters. i know i should go back to visit some more. i know this. but a big part of me is scared because i don't want to see him in pain. i don't want to know that something else might happen to him. if i know he's getting better than things will be okay. and as i'm typing this, i know how selfish i'm sounding. i'm not that little kid anymore that used to try to sneak out and play w/ the neighbors when lolo said i should stay and play with my little sister. i'm not that kindergartner that lolo picked up everyday afterschool, taking the rtd bus and then pushed me in my big kid stroller all the way back home. i'm an adult, more or less=P. i should be there now since he's the one who needs us all the most this time. but he's my lolo, i still look up to him like he's invincible. arghhh i can't stand this. i can only hope and try my best right now. thanks to all for your kind thoughts and prayers.=)

things really do have a strange way of working out on their own. lou always likes to remind me that if something doesn't work out the way we had hoped, no worries because something better will come along. and so far he's been right. we've been so lucky with how things have worked themselves out, it's freaking awesome.

no idea if i should change my template to this thing. my comments are gone. my archives have disappeared. but i don't really see a layout that hasn't already been taken or that looks pleasing to me. ahhh am i ready for change? ha.

anyways i'm so behind in work. bah at least it's friday. feliz cinco de mayo peoples! be safe, be merry. who's got the don julio or patron?=P

heehee and happy early birthday mr. ninomlahlah (per your students..hehehe)