So I've been having a lot of "i miss dad" moments. Not a day goes by that I don't think about him...but it seems like i've been getting sadder about it lately. I think ever since mother's day. Don't get me wrong, husby and baby gave me an awesome first mother's day. And I'm so blessed to have them in my life and I love them to infinity!!! But, maybe it's the realization that i'm not so close to my mom so I feel like baby E doesn't get to really have any grandparents to interact with from my side. Plus the fact that father's day is coming up and dad's 2-year death anniversary...I guess it's all been building up.
I've been noticing that whenever I see E with father-in-law that I get a pang of sadness bc I know that she won't be able to interact like that with grandy (what my dad liked to be called from my nephews). I think the more I see it, the more it makes it real that dad is gone. Yeah I know, it's been almost 2 years and I'm only noticing it now? I know he's not here physically...but it's just emphasized more when I see baby with the in-laws. It just makes me sad. I mean, I know dad is always watching over us. And I know that he is E's special guardian angel - that i don't doubt at all! But I don't know..it's just the little things - the laughs with grandy, hearing the old childhood stories, the silly and corny jokes, the crazy uncoordinated dancing, the funny cross-eyed faces...so much..that I had wanted Grandy to share with E.
Geez...I'm already tearing writing this. Maybe I'm just overly emotional right now with father's day approaching. Just so hard.
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