Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family. Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.
-Paul Pearshall

so there's been a lot of stuff going on lately that i'm totally just looking forward to this weekend to relax..not that i want to turn my back on anything..it's just that i don't think my mental state can take anymore right now..for some reason, on tuesday night my mom was talking to me about some family stuff..and seriously..for the first time i realized how much she has to go through just to keep the family going..i know it sounds bad..but i've always just seen my mom as my mom..she does her mom thing..and things work out..ignorant view, maybe..but that's how i saw it..i mean..i have the typical or maybe more dramatic relationship w/ my mom..i can't really talk to her about personal issues..cuz she totally misunderstands everything..i mean i've tried to open up..and i know she really wants me & my sisters to do that..so when i do..she doesn't understand what i mean..so i tend to keep things with my mom on a more platonic level..sounds bad..but that's what i have to do so that she won't worry about me..so it's weird yet nice when she's able to vent out to me..

so i guess i've always been in the blind about the health issues with my dad and my aunt..and on tuesday when my mom was talking to me about it..it was just a lot to take in..and to see how strong she has to stay for the two of them..i can't explain the feeling i got..but it opened my eyes to how much she does for everyone..i mean yah, i've had my complaints about her..she knows it..we've had our arguments about it and stuff..and afterwards we get over it..but for some reason, if i hear someone else talk badly about/to my mom, blood or not, that's crossing the line..hypocritical of me to say that..but it's hard to hear someone not respecting your own parents..it sucks to have to go through it..so before i get all angry and turn all crazy on everyone..i'd rather just use this weekend to calm my nerves.

so anyways..after hearing the rave reviews from cecile, jevon & joe about garden state..me & lou decided to watch it over the weekend..i liiiiiiiiiked it a lot..natalie portman is a trip..the whole story and they're view of it..all just fit perfectly..good movie..good recommendation..i hope they keep making more flicks like that..hehe but for some reason, zach braff reminded me of a mix between jack tripper & jerry seinfeld!=P..

oooh so i developed my first role of film from my dad's old school manual canon camera..i think as soon as i can fit it in, i'd like to take a photography class..in addition to taking cooking classes=)..i looked into the culinary arts school in pasadena..they freaking offer weekend classes! that'd be soooo perfect..except for the fact that tuition is a grip and i don't know if i can take adding any more debt to the loans i already have..bummer...soooo since i'm in two lottery pools at work..that doubles my chances for this saturday..c'mon lotto..lemme retire early=)